| ~High Times~ |
[Mar. 22nd, 2009|02:49 am] |
so ts been awhile since i thought about Live journal...
i have had this shit forever thanks to Suzy Q.
i went into my archives and read all the old entries and HOLY FUCK..
its crazy the shit you forget through the years..
"ephemeral" is an interesting word.
what kind of cruel individual would created the word "lisp"?
random shit..
had a fun night at Fat Tuesdays with Cristina<3 Nick and Lauren. jello shots and margaritas, mmmm :P
and then hooters' boneless chicken wings.
i got into a car accident on Friday the fucking 13th. bullshit, i got the ticket >.<
now im just rambling.
sweet dreams. |
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| alot is different now... |
[Mar. 5th, 2009|01:55 pm] |
like..a fuck load...
so i met a girl...
Her name is Cristina
and im In Love with Her.
and that terrifies the living shit out of me to be honest.
When you love someone
you give them power..
the power to make you
or the power to break you.
i dont want to be broken.
i dont want to have to miss Her.
wake me not from this dream
i want to stay in this moment forever... |
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| ... |
[May. 8th, 2008|02:31 pm] |
ok, i have 10 minutes to be on the computer so this will be quick.
alot on my mind, there are too many goals i want to accomplish and ive been mentally on edge so much lately because i want it all to happen Now.
im getting back into school, going to pick up nursing again. SOOO excited about going back to school, i want all the necessary preperations finished and ready to start classes in June.
with school, work, home life, and everything else in between i just cant wait to have everything done.
i feel like there isnt enough hours in the day to do any of it.
Spikes show on May 10th, everyone should make it out to Area 7, formerly Duck Soup.
other things on my mind, worry about a few things, nervousness.
Javier, hope you get better man, broke his shin in two places, UGH >.<
ok, ending this early....
later |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 18th, 2007|01:34 am] |
I Love him ^.^
and now im going to cuddle with him <3<3<3
since he has to wake up and go to work in about 4 hours :( |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 3rd, 2007|05:32 am] |
| [ | music |
| | i wanna love ya-Bob Marley | ] |
speechless
tired
writers block
missing his sweet embrace
i love him so much
its hard to believe how happy i am.
for the first time in a year it doesnt hurt to smile
or laugh.
sincerity<3
how i missed it so.
pretty much quit smoking
i only started because it was the only thing keeping me remotely sane and calm over the year without my Love.
needed something to get away from the Asshole.
ciggarettes and thoughts of Him
my only solace.
"when your not near
my body aches for you
and when i kiss you
it makes me want to die
the happiness you bring out of me is unbearable..
Misery never felt so Good." |
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| SarahBear <3 |
[Oct. 24th, 2007|03:53 am] |
chillaxin with Sarah and JM.
its been a blast from the past lately, seein lots of people i havent seen for years. like..elementary school years. trippy shit..
freezing.
thinking.
-"American Meat"
-"you want Mountain Dew"
-"i cocopark k?"
-"I think she heard you"
shitty night at work, i cant fuckin stand people.
halloween parties in the making.
Family Guy.
Will & Grace.
End. |
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| Finally Living Again |
[Oct. 20th, 2007|01:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
its so nice to be able to be around the people i love instead of trying to be forced to love Only One person.
Love my family.
Love my friends to the point of orgasm.
Love living right now.
Love Freedom.
Talking
saying what i want to say.
FUCK-ING LOVE IT ALL.
one person im iffy about calling though
dont know if i should
what to expect?
i have something played out in my mind keeping me from calling.
i never wanted it like this to begin with, but it wasnt easy to do what i wanted at the time, and its tore at my insides for long enough.
constantly eating away at my consciousness.
i never wanted Nothing.
i wish i was stronger then, i should have said no.
but i wasnt as strong as you.
picking my nails >.< habit.
party at sarahs place on Halloween! |
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| feel reeeeally good right now ~.^ |
[Oct. 20th, 2007|12:13 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | this chair | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk and feeling naughty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | DJ Z-Trip Ft. Chester Bennington~The Walking Dead | ] |
drunk at the present moment.
Mojitos with Amy and Jen
good shit.
her pussy liked me.
Carlos Mencia.
wiicked hott pictures.
already getting people together for november 17th concert and Buzz Bake Sale
wish i was in Hollywood right now at the tattoo convention, but hey, havin fun anyway.
Music.
Memories.
Thoughts.
a little melancholy.
i want to call someone, but i dont know who.
happiness, Liberation.
"Breath Deep and Let the Poison Enter Your Veins" i want to create a picture for that caption. or have someone draw it for me and get it tattooed.
i think the Megadeth song im laying right now (Promises) just sang part of the song in spanish. ITS DOING IT RIGHT NOW!
this really sucks.
Jenny made the alarm go off in the house, haha.
i cant think of songs to put on my playlist >.<
still cant get it to Obey me >.<
"he was an actual Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde"
freezing my nipples off.
really drunk... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|10:47 pm] |
november 17th
DOPE will be there as well ^.^ |
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| OOOOOO!!!! |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|04:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
BOBAFLEX concert at Club Revolution November 17th!!!!!! I Am There!
:) |
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| ~Damaged~ |
[Oct. 18th, 2007|01:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | music |
| | that one song by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus | ] |
this year has been...well, interesting.
ive lost alot, ive experienced alot, Alot of which i Really wish i didnt experience. its over now.
going to take life one day at a time and try to enjoy what comes my way, maybe even make some things happen for me.
now that im free, i think ill go back to the Casino and get another serving job, or maybe try bartending, that was offered, might be fun.
or my favorite store, the beloved Fetish Factory.
i really want to go to Buzz Bake sale. gotta get some people together and go, i dont even know or really care whose playing, i havent been to a concert in what seems like forever, and that itch needs to be played with. if that makes any sense to you.
it feels really good to be out of an abusive relationship, most girsl from what i remember come out damaged and inhibited. but i actually feel like picking up right where i left off, and not letting anyone ever bring me or put me down like that again. i feel stronger, way stronger then i was before. i should have left a long time ago, i really dont know why i let myself endure it for so long. i was weak, i was dumb and very weak, i made mistakes and i will never make them again. i just want to make myself happy now, i never want to loose touch with people again, i regret alot of things i let happen, but believe me, they will never happen again. i will never let myself be treated the way that i was, i will never let another man put his hands on me. i will never be someones doormat again.
i will never let myself suffer abuse again.
i will never let myself be controlled by someone else. |
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| Still Here |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|01:31 pm] |
well, im still here.
living life as... well, whatever it is as it comes to me.
ive had my code for Ozzfest for months now, but on the days that tickets were AVAILABLE(yes, theres no more free ozzfest tickets left) everyone and their mother were doing the exact same thing. now im shit out of luck.
so now its the tattoo convention on the 11-13 of august, and Family Values Tour on the 14 left to excite me.
i feel like im changed.
alot has happened, things that i never thought would Never be My own experiences. wether they were good or bad, they happened and i think it has brought me much closer to my brother, my mom, my sister, and just my whole family, my dad especially. he was the very last person i ever expected was able to make me smile at the moments it was impossible for me to smile. he really has changed for the better and become the dad he never was. simply saying that i am thankful doesn't quite seem to explain the deep amount of gratitude i have in fate.
All of the events that have happened within the last few months have been something so completely and utterly new to my life. there is no doubt in my mind that i have changed, i feel in my mind that i have matured a bit more after everything, obtained a little more wisdom and insight to some of my lifes unexpected trails.
i feel.
numb with thoughts at times
but i am able to feel.
its so overwhelming to be able to grasp what others give to me. the good and the bad.
going to Delaware for a short vacation for the week with my honey to see his family before his brothers wedding.
ive been on this thing to long.
bye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2006|02:10 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | jennys house | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Aint No Sunshine~Bill Withers | ] |
im sitting here
thinking about all that has happened in the last 2 months.
again
scattered thoughts
part of me wants him to hate me
if it really helps the pain, then by all means
Hate Me
i want it.
i think im driving mself crazy.
i think its been happening for awhile,
slowly but surely.
i feel like i dont deserve anyone
i dont want anyone
then again i do.
i dont think im cut out for this.
i really didnt mean for that to happen.
i really didnt.
definently not the way it did. i didnt "have" him call you to say that. he looked in my phone, saw it and did what any boyfriend would do. would you really have wanted me talking to an ex? let alone keepiin in touch?
how was i supposed to know that he would mention your age?
i wanted so badly to say "no"
but i couldnt.
right now i feel like if i were faced with death, i wouldnt care.
i would welcome it.
im tired of thinking.
tired of driving myself crazy.
tired of feeling and at the same time not feeling.
Numbness.
tired of hurting myself
tired of hurting Him
tired of feeling like i hurt others
i know he hates me
but at the same time im glad
because now i know i cant hurt him anymore.
Serenity.
sorry for everything.
i always say "if its meant to be then it will be"
i still believe it.
none of this matters
nothing matters anymore.
what do i deserve
what am i meant for
what is meant for me
what have i really done in this life
what lives have i changed
my sister told me tonight that Every single night she says prayers with my 3 year old nephew before he goes to sleep, he says "God Bless Brittany"
he says no one elses name but mine and its the last thing he says before he ends the prayer to go to sleep. no one knows why, but he is truly my Godsend.
he is my happiness.
i feel like there is a constant missing in my life. like im looking for something and i havent found it yet. maybe im still searching for Myself. like i have been for so long.
i dont want to do this anymore.
im tired.
End. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 7th, 2006|09:59 pm] |
i told you i would love you forever
and i meant every word of it.
i Truly and Deeply mean it.
i see Always in your eyes.
i have to do this for now, something in my heart is telling me to do this, i dont know why but it is.
i know we have made plans together, and i hold you and those plans Very Close to my Heart.
the happiness that i have with you is not forgotten, ive said it before, and at the present moment, i still find myself able to say
that i Couldnt Stop Loving You Even If I Tried.
there is nothing i can say to make you hurt any less. i wish i could take the pain away. Your pain will always be my pain.
i just really have to do this for now.
Dont think this is the End.
Dont think everything i said to you was a Lie.
Dont think that my heart doesnt beat without knowing that it beats for you.
If we are Truly meant to be then we Will Be.
i want you to Smile.
i want to know that your Heart Smiles.
know that your in my thoughts Every Waking Day. |
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| ~*catching up*~ |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|04:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
spent the week in Tennessee as my family vacation with my mom sis, bro, nephew and gram and gramps. it was fun but to much country air for my taste, Knoxville was awesome though, i Loved Old City, we ate in this old saloon that Butch Cassidy was taken down in. so much history there, even the modern shops were historical, most of them were old factories from like the 1800's.
saturday, went to the Tattoo expo, wasnt bad, but if it werent for the people i was with, i would have had more fun. one wasnt having fun and the rest didnt want to argue with her to leave accept me, so it was me against her and she was driving but I had her keys so that was something to argue about.
sunday, went to Ozzfest. that is a long story that i will post later.
first thing this morning at 11:20 im rushing to work and going through hell and back to get there, experiencing the shittiest morning of my life for these fucking people, only to find out my manager doesnt know how to Make a fucking schedule and the other managers dont know how to check to make sure a problem is taken care of when it is brought to their attention.
so far, this is Not looking out to be a good night, now i get to go Back to Bonefish Creek and close for these fuckers.
great previous week, bad fucking new one so far. |
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| ~*Im Ready*~ |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|01:57 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | sleeping pill is taking affect | ] |
<3im ready to spend the rest of my life with him.<3
-tomorrow we drive John to be shipped off to 6 months of basic training :(
fuck.. we're gonna miss you man. |
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| ~*PARTY*~ |
[Jul. 20th, 2006|01:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  a little stuffy | ] |
tomorrow should make out to be an evening of some mighty fine trouble ^.^
its my sisters birthday, and we are celebrating by dressing up and going to some clubs in Fort Lauderdale with her friends.
happy 25th birthday Jen, Love You<3<3 |
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| Fuck |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|05:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hungry, bored, mainly hungry.. | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Creature~Kidney Thieves | ] |
i just got home from work, im waiting for my food to get here, and im bored. And the only thing left to do is go on myspace, and the bitch isnt working right now >. |
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| ~*i AM the Air Hockey Champion bitches!*~ |
[Jul. 9th, 2006|04:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Placebo~Kidney Thieves | ] |
fun day yesterday with the love of my life and John who sadly has given into "The Man" and will be shipping out to the army in a month or so :(
we all went to City Streets and played laser tag ^.^
Spike had a whole family after him, and there was this little girl who would Not Stop shooting me! and Only me! like, she would follow me around the laser tag place and deliberatly stand in front of me and shoot me over and over and over again. ::Ya laugh away little girl, wait till i see you on the playground::
i kicked Johns ass in air hockey ::thats what the smile was for John, haha~.^ ::
then went to Dennys, got fat, and met up with a group of strangers that only Jose knew. o well, still had fun.
JESSIPOO!! <3
Today:
was supposed to go to a birthday party at a water park with Nicole, but i over slept and my alarm clock is ghey.
The Walk with mommadukes
maybe some Jamba Juice, because whoever created that fruity goodness should be president.
and then swimming with Spike<3
no work for me tonight!! whooo!! ^.^ |
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